Here's My Excuse

Hello again fellow bloggers.....I know its been a while but I've been busy! I received alot of emails (ok 3) asking where I have been, so here's my excuse.

Since I quit my job I have become obsessed with completing my "to do" list. Let me give you the run down....

So far I have....
Cleaned out garage
Cleaned out every closet
Cleaned out from under every bed
Painted the laundry room
Cleaned under all bathroom cabinets
Cleaned and organized every drawer
Organized my craft supplies
Rearranged my living room

Actually the list goes on, but I won't bore you.

So far I have loved staying home and spending time with Cole...now when does school start?

Queen of Clean

Yesterday my "goal" was to clean out my closet. I was all pumped, but halfway into it, I needed a nap. I took everything out of my closet and piled in on my bed and floor....I literally could not get out of my room without breaking a leg crawling over all my crap. I'm sure looking at my closet, before and after pics, are a big bore for you but I had nothing today. I had to take the pictures with my phone, so they are bad quality. I didn't go through my clothes yet, sister, so don't ask.

BEFORE:









AFTER:

I took this one to prove there was actually a floor.

See, Jill, I didn't get rid of any clothes.

No comments about me being a slob. I am embarrassed it looked like that. I'm sure not as embarrassed as my husband will be when he knows I put pictures of our closet for all the world to see.

My New Job

Just when I thought I would not be receiving a paycheck anymore....I get an invitation from Nielsen Ratings asking me to watch TV AND get paid for it! They sent me $5.00! So my new job this next week will be watching the boob tube. Sorry, honey....that garage cleaning will have to wait. Unless we can negotiate a better salary.

Man, this staying home thing is working out great so far.

Domestic Goddess

Today will start my first full week of being an official stay at home mom. I'm not real sure why it's called "stay at home mom". I'm not being a mom during the day, since Cole is in school and my 20 year old, Chris, who yes moved back in (that's another story for later) will be at work all day, too. So I'm a stay at home person who no longer goes to work. My work is here, at home.

I am a list maker. I think I have made 15 lists of things I want to accomplish before the end of May. I did get to mark my first chore off my list on Friday. I figured since I was new at this stay at home thing, I'd better start slow. So I cleaned out my junk drawer. After I cleaned it out, I went back to the kitchen and opened the drawer 3 times, just to look at what a great job I did. I didn't have anyone to pat me on the back or tell me "hey, great job on that junk drawer", like I did when I had a real job.

My husband is already sick of me calling to tell him what I am doing. I guess I don't want him to think I am lying on the couch eating potato chips and reading blogs. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be like June Cleaver, plus don't want to have to put on a dress and pearls every day and would be mortified if my child's nickname was 'the beav'.

This week, my goal is clean out my coat closet, organize my craft supplies and clean out all the cabinets in my laundry room. Hey, I'll do before and after pics. This blog may turn into one of those decorating/organizing blogs. heh. kidding.

Flowers in my pots

I love this time of year. The grass turns green. The flowers bloom. The birds start chirping. Here's my front porch. I planted geraniums and asparagus ferns.

The next morning, I walked outside to water my flowers....you see that dang cat lying in the chair? He was pooping in the flower pot.

I've Been Paroled

Yo, Wat up homies!! Yup, you be readin' my title right....I'm breaking out of the pen....gettin' out of the pokie. In other words....my last day to work is APRIL 30th!! (For those of you that don't know, I work at a prison).

I am so excited about this new chapter of my life. I will trade rushing around in the mornings to making a decent breakfast for Cole. He will go from a cold poptart to warm pancakes. I will trade spending my day looking at 1400 inmates to planning my next home project.

It will take me a while to get used to the fact that daily laundry, cooking and cleaning will be my new job. But I'm excited. I'm excited that I can be home when Cole walks in the door from school. I am very lucky that I have a husband that can take care of us without my paycheck. Although, he did tell me that my first "job" was to clean out the garage. Ok, dear, but we will need to negotiate an hourly wage, if you expect me to do that kind of physical labor, because it will cut into my bonbon eating, soap operas and blogging.

Conversation with a 9 year old

I asked Cole some questions over breakfast this morning. Here's his answers:

1. Why did God make mothers?

So they can cook for their children.

2. Why did God make me your mother and not some other mom?

'Cuz he knew you were the right mother for me because you do things for me like play with me, cook, clean and do laundry. Who else would do that?

3. What kind of little girl was I?

I bet you got in trouble only a few times, but I know you were nice and smart.

4. What did I need to know about Dad before I married him?

You definitely needed to know that he fished alot, but you like that because you have alot of alone time. But I know Dad is the right guy for you because you are happy when y'all are together.

5. Why do you think I married Dad?

Because of his good looks and he's charming.

6. Who's the boss at home?

Dad is, because he's the head honcho.

7. What's the difference between me and Dad?

When we are in the boat, Dad likes to go really fast and you don't because it messes up your hair.

8. If you could change one thing about me and Dad, what would it be?

You need to stop snoring and Dad needs to quit being so tight with his money.

9. What is one thing that me and Dad have taught you that you feel is very important?

Never talk to strangers and save money.

Yellow Snow

Yesterday our little Texas town got more snow than I can remember. We got 10-12 inches of snow with 12 FOOT drifts. We were all stuck at home....I loved it, but my hubby went stir crazy. Even though he was on his phone all day trying to manage employees, he still paced the floor and looked out the windows every 15 minutes. He did make it to work this morning but I will be holed up in the house again. I'm ready for summer!

Diet

I announced 3 weeks ago that I was starting a "serious" diet and I'm sure all of you are all wondering how its going. For the one person that actually cares (hi Jill), here's an update. I did really good the first week, in fact, I lost 6 lbs. yea me! The second week, I lost 3. yea me! And last week I lost 1. kinda yea me. So that's a total of 10 lbs.

This weekend was my anniversary and I totally ate like a starving child from Ethiopia. My husband took me to a new steak restaurant and I really didn't want to order a salad and water....so, I ordered the 12 oz. fillet mignon. And yes, I ate every bite. delish. Then we ordered the creme brulet or brulee. whatever. delish. Then this morning we ate at Cracker Barrel for breakfast.....after devouring the breakfast sampler and waddling to the car....I decided that I'm not giving up...I will get back on the diet bus tomorrow and start adding more exercise, other than walking to my car and mailbox.

A Man and a Woman

14 years ago.... a man and a woman met on a blind date. The woman waited anxiously for 2 weeks for the man to call again, but the woman finally got the call. The man asked the woman on a date to his Christmas party. The man and woman went to the party together. The woman went home and told her mother that she would marry this man. She was right, because 12 years ago today, the man and woman got married. That woman is me and that man is my husband.

I am so blessed to have this man in my life. Happy Anniversary.

Grumpy Old Men

Conversation while watching Dancing with the Stars with my husband:

Me: Hey, you know honey, I used to be able to do the splits.

Husband: Really, I used to be able to sleep all night without having to get up and go pee.

Silence.

Husband: Well, that's 30 minutes of my life I'll never get back. This show is stupid.

Aren't we a ball full of fun.

Bad Blogger

I'm really alive. I just want to know why we only have 24 hours in a day to accomplish 40 hours of crap. Every night when my head hits the pillow, I think, "why did I not blog today?" I have no great story or picture, just wanted to say I'm still here....uninspired, but here.

Easter Bunny vs. Santa Claus

Conversation between my 9 year old and myself yesterday in the grocery store.

Cole: "Mom, I HAVE to talk to you, let's go on the dog food aisle, so we are alone."
Me: "ok, what's up?"
Cole: "You have to tell me the truth about something, and don't lie to me, because there is a 50/50 chance that I'm right."
Me: "ok, I won't lie"
Cole: "Is. the. Easter. Bunny. real?"
Me: "no"
Cole: "what the...you mean you're the Easter bunny?"
Me: "yes"
Cole: "phew, thank goodness Santa Claus is real."

Ten minutes later.

Cole: "Mom, how in the world does Santa Claus deliver all those presents to all the kids in the whole wide world in 24 hours?"
Me: "He just does, Cole"
Cole: "Mom, are you, ummm......oh, forget it."
Me: "what?"
Cole: "Can you buy me a really big chocolate bunny for Easter"
Me: "sure"

Ice Fishing

We took the new boat on the lake yesterday. Don't get too excited. I froze my butt off! And Gene wanted to see how fast the new thing would go. I had on a hooded sweatshirt, sweat pants and my coat. When its 50 degrees and you go 70 mph on the open water, the temperature drops about 50 degrees.


I have to tell you, I did something really stupid. Gene backed the boat trailer into the water, then ran back over to the dock, started the boat and put it on the trailer. I thought I would try to help, so I offered to pull it out of the water. How hard could that be, right? So I get in the drivers seat, and Gene hollers (he's still in the boat) "take the parking break off, put the vehicle in drive and hit the gas, so we don't back down into the water!" Okay, I'm nervous. So here I go....I put my foot on the break....take the parking break off.....then smash on the gas! We go no where, except I am revving the freaking engine. I think the RPM's are like 80,000. He hollers, with arms flailing.."PUT IT IN DRIVE!" Dang, I forgot that part. Then I got hysterical at myself and couldn't quit laughing as I peeled out and about threw Gene out of the boat. All the while, I can see Gene in the rear view mirror, just shaking his head. Sorry Honey. You can blame my Mom, I inherited her driving abilities.


Here are some pictures of the day.







Gene let Cole drive the boat....Hang on for dear life. I think we were vertical at one point.

Hot Lemonade

Since I announced to the whole blog world that I am trying to lose weight....I thought you would like an update on my attempt to look like Cindy Crawford before the summer. If not, you can go down and watch the monkey smoking a cigarette video, which is probably a lot more interesting than listening to me ramble about my fat butt.

Ok, good, you're still here. I have done very good and yes, I am proud of myself. I am on day 3 and haven't fallen off the wagon yet. yeah for me! But last night, as I was cooking supper, I had the TV on E! Entertainment News. The skinny reporters were all the buzz about the Oscars this weekend. The story they were reporting on was how the stars lost weight fast for the show. It peaked my interest....these reporters were talking about the Beyonce Diet. I'm thinking "oh, she's cute, not too bone skinny, I will look it up later on the Internet".

Here is a copy of her diet:

Take a clean one-gallon jug and pour in the following:
3 Quarts of Water
1 Cup Lemon Juice
1 Cup Pure Maple Syrup (not maple flavored, but the REAL stuff) or molasses
1 Teaspoon Cayenne
Shake it all up and drink 8-12 glasses a day.
Warning: You will experience cravings, aches, pains, mental irritability and fatigue. These are symptoms of your body's detoxification.


Nah, Really....You will experience cravings...aches and pains. Hello...you are not consuming anything but lemonade with a dash of hot sauce. Forget that! I'm thinkin' its not your body detoxifying that hurts....its the hunger pangs. Talk about mental irritability. I'd kill my wienie dog and have him for lunch, if this was all I could put in my stomach.

I think I will stick to Weight Watchers. This diet is better. I can actually chew something.

Monkey Business

I'm sure you have all heard the horrific story about the monkey that attacked a woman. This story really disturbed me.....monkeys belong in a zoo, people! Even though they are almost human like, they are not human, they are monkeys. I have an uncle who once owned a chimp, of course he was weirdly gay and dressed it like a baby. ewww. Monkeys are funny to watch, but to have one in your home and treat it like a baby is just odd.

Now if I could have this monkey around.....I may change my mind.

Windy Diets

Yesterday had to seriously be the windiest day in history. When the wind can knock me over, you know it's pretty bad. We had 50-60 mph wind gusts. No hairspray can prepare you for that. No, I'm not going to talk about the weather in this post.

Ok, on to better stuff. My sister, Jill, is currently on this weight loss kick. And damn her hide, but when she does something, me, being the tag along, has to copy. Why couldn't you get on a "see how many potato chips you can eat in one day" kick, Jill!! But it just so happens that yesterday, I had a touch of the stomach virus, so as luck would have it....I started my "I'm really getting serious about my diet" day. And going to the bathroom 14 times, was a great kick off.

I really am the worst dieter in the world. I do good for about 3 days, and then I fall off the wagon. But instead of getting right back on...I just quit. But this time it's different.....different because I feel like a stuffed sausage in my pants.

Thanks for playing my quiz yesterday. Apparently, there was alot of confusion with the question about my shoe size. I wear a size 7, but it kept saying the correct answer was a size 5. I couldn't figure out how to fix it. But thanks to Jill for calling me a liar....which I am not, thank you very much. MOM!! JILL CALLED ME A LIAR!!!!

How Well Do You Know Me?

I stole this from my sister. Take this quiz and see just how well you know me! I have no idea why there is a huge space, but scroll down. And for some unknown reason, question #10, about my shoe size is messing up. I wear a size 7 and its saying the answer is 5. So, Jill and Rhonda quit making fun of me....

Pop Quiz! How well do you know me! Pop Quiz on Amelia Bedelia! 1) What color is my hair? Blue Red Blonde Hot Pink

More than you want to know

I've been tagged by another Amy over at Frantic Mom, so I get to tell the world my deepest secrets. I'm kidding, it's not that bad. I supposed to tag eight, but I'm lazy and not doing that, so if you want to do it...go for it.


1) What are you wearing right now? My prom dress. Not really. Hate me, but I'm off today so I'm still in my pajamas.

2) What is your biggest fear? Losing my Blackberry or one of my kids. Seriously in that order.

3) Do you nap alot? zzzzzzzzzzzz oh, sorry. No, I really don't nap much.

4) Who is the last person you hugged? My husband and youngest as they were walking out the door this morning.

5) What websites do you visit when you go online? Blogger, Facebook and Blogger.

6) What was the last item you bought? A new cutting board.

7) What was the last thing you ate? Supper last night. Steak. My stomach is growling!!

8) If you woke up in the morning and were a boy, what would be the first thing you'd do? I'd pee off the back porch!

9) Has a celebrity hairstyle ever influenced your hairstyle? Yes, I had the Dorothy Hammel haircut as a child. Thanks mom.

10) What was your most embarrassing moment? Please see my last post.

11) What was the last movie you watched? I rented Step Brothers. So dumb, but so funny.

12) If you had the whole day with no commitments, interruptions or work, what would you do? Nap and Blog.

13) What is one indulgence you cannot live without? My limousine and personal chef.

I have to end with this. Last night, my 9 year old walked into the living room as I was watching something where a man and woman were kissing (I think Desperate Housewives), anyway Cole said, "I am SO glad you and Dad don't makeout!"

Valentine Baby & Horror

Miss Deb over at Dirty Socks and Pizza had a great idea and because I am having major blogger brain blockage (say that 3 times fast!) and can't think of anything to say. I am reposting one of my first stories. But before I do, I want to say a very special Happy Birthday to my oldest son, Chris. He is turning 20 today. My valentine baby is very lucky to be here and we are all so lucky to have him. Happy Birthday Chris!

Ok, here is my one of my first posts.....


I am at my local grocery store on Saturday morning....mind you, everybody in this small town goes to the grocery store on Saturday morning, so it was pretty busy. I am on the last aisle checking out the frozen pastries, like I need anything else to increase my butt size, and make the decision to purchase a frozen cherry pie. I put the pie in my overflowing basket and I am on my way to check out, but then remembered I needed lunch meat. So, to the deli I go...I tell the girl "one pound of turkey", and as I am waiting, I push my cart over to the fountain drink area to get a diet coke.

As I am filling up my drink, I look down and see drops, bright red drops on the floor, which are obviously coming from my basket and had been dropping from my basket from the last aisle. I look around and see EVERYONE looking at me, then the red drops, with disgust on their faces.

Ok, I know what you are thinking, "so what, red drops"! No, these red drops looked like I had started my period. What do I do you ask?? Well, I grab a handful of napkins from the fountain drink area and proceed to clean up the red mess. I inherited a gross habit from my mother to smell everything, so yes, I freakin smell the napkin to try and figure out where the red was coming from.

I wanted to announce in my loudest voice "I HAD A HYSTERECTOMY, I HAVE NO UTERUS". Then I hear over the loud speaker, "Clean up on aisle 12, and deli area"! Oh my gosh...yeah, lets announce to the whole store that I have started my period on aisle 12 and bled my way to the deli!

I grabbed my turkey and literally ran with my basket to the check out and in my loud outside voice announce "I have no idea what is making such a big RED mess". The check out girl, who is I think maybe 14, totally grossed out and announces in her loud voice, "someone bring me a rag and some disinfectant spray!" Thanks chick! The poor boy that was sacking my groceries did take the cherry pie to the back and bring me another one but too late, I'm sure its already all over this small redneck town I live in, that the redheaded lady started her period and bled all over the grocery store. I will keep you updated on the gossip.